ughh!!!

oh i can't seem to get this stupid add image thingy.
I spent the weekend and this past week trying to get the pics
uploaded but know such luck. So I will just have to wait....
So this past weekend I was at my BIL's house yippee!!
That was a lot of fun ( not really) I just don't get my
jatani One minute she's the stuck up B***** and then the next minute she's all friendly and stuff. I wish I didn't have to deal with her, rather I wish I didn't get all personal about it. She frankly doesn't give a damn about me or my family I don't know if I could be as heartless as her.
But I do have to say hats off to her acting, how she has her husband wrapped around her little finger( my mom says I should learn from her) and how she acts like she's worked so hard cooking and cleaning. Heck if I could get away with defrosting and shoving the garbage under the sofa, I'd do it too. She's such an actress she could seriously win an Oscar for her fine work.
Actually she's a con artist, the way she's cons people into thinking she's the one we should feel sorry for.
I'll explain why all this ranting and raving in my next post....

On a lighter note...

As was the purpose of this blog, I got all my frustrations out, and feeling better.
I thought I would talk about my kids, the good and the funny. Enough with the bad, I love them dearly and yes lately they have been getting on my nerves, but Insha Allah when I am old and grey, I might be getting on their last nerve, asking for this help and that. I pray to Allah that I am dependant on only Allah and not my kids.

anyway.. I went to Walmart the other day, and as soon as we walk by a bunch of walmart employees, my 6 yr old pipes " Amma I didn't steal anything today." I looked at her like WHAT!! The employees just laughed. What she meant to say was " It's not good to steal so I am not gonna steal" Well her intention was good right?

What's going on?

As you may have noticed I have not been regular in my blogging. Espescially these past few months. I could say that it was because I couldn't get time or the computer was giving problems. But the truth was that I was giving myself time. You see I started to blog coz' I just wanted to get my frustrations out and use this blog as a diary of all the daily happenings in this life of mine. But right now I am so emotionally drained that I can hardly think. Theres no me time at all. You see I am homeschooling my 6 yr old and the 3 yr old and the 1 yr old are always up my butt. I run around like a mad women trying to teach, at the same time make sure she keeps up with her quran reading and memorizing. Normally that is what goes on in most houses, but most of their kids are at school most of the time and so they get that 6 or 7 hrs away from them. So when the kids get back from school the mother is a "bit refreshed" term used loosely. So they can run behind their kids to do their HW etc. Where as I am with them 24 by 7. Constantly hearing their naggin, yelling and screaming, hair pulling and tattle telling. It has really taken a toll on me. I have told my husband about it and we will Insha Allah put them in school next year. But till then what do I do? I am totally frustrated and just plain fed up with my life. I feel under appreciated for the amount of work and effort I put in this household. My husband says to plan something for the weekend and I want him and the kids out and me home, I wanna be free. I wanna be able to use the bathroom in peace without having to hear "what r u doing in there?" or be able to comb my hair without having the kids fighting to sit in mommies lap. Am I asking too much or maybe I should just stop dreaming. The problem is I am so irritable and annoyed with the kids, all the time. HELP!!!

BTW--- As I was typing this blog I was interuppted 10 times

2 Tough Questions
Question 1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion? Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.


Question 2: It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates. Who would you vote for?

Candidate AAssociates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.


Candidate B He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.


Candidate C He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife. Which of these candidates would be our choice?

Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.




Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.



And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:
If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.

Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone.
Wait till you see the end of this note!

Keep reading.. Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember: Amateurs...built the ark.
Professionals...built the Titanic

And Finally, can you imagine working for a company that has a little more
than 500 employees and has the following statistics:
* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year...


Can you guess which organization this is?

Give up yet?

It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.
The same group that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

A Bitter Reality

Quite Thought Provoking… (this was sent to me by a friend)

As the dream of most parents I had acquired a degree in Software Engineerand joined a company based in USA , the land of braves and opportunity. WhenI arrived in the USA , it was as if a dream had come true.Here at last I was in the place where I want to be. I decided I would bestaying in this country for about Five years in which time I would haveearned enough money to settle down in India ..My father was a government employee and after his retirement, the onlyasset he could acquire was a decent one bedroom flat.I wanted to do some thing more than him. I started feeling homesick andlonely as the time passed. I used to call home and speak to my parents everyweek using cheap international phone cards. Two years passed, two years ofBurgers at McDonald's and pizzas and discos and 2 yearswatching the foreign exchange rate getting happy whenever the Rupee valuewent down.Finally I decided to get married. Told my parents that I have only 10 daysof holidays and everything must be done within these 10 days. I got myticket booked in the cheapest flight. Was jubilant and was actually enjoyinghopping for gifts for all my friends back home. If I miss anyone then therewill be talks. After reaching home I spent home one week going through allthe photographs of girls and as the time wasgetting shorter I was forced to select one candidate.In-laws told me, to my surprise, that I would have to get married in 2-3days, as I will not get anymore holidays. After the marriage, it was time toreturn to USA , after giving some money to my parents and telling theneighbors to look after them, we returned to USA ..My wife enjoyed this country for about two months and then she startedfeeling lonely. The frequency of calling India increased to twice in a weeksometimes 3 times a week. Our savings started diminishing.After two more years we started to have kids. Two lovely kids, a boy and agirl, were gifted to us by the almighty. Every time I spoke to my parents,they asked me to come to India so that they can see their grand-children.Every year I decide to go to India ... But part work part monetaryconditions prevented it. Years went by and visiting India was a distantdream. Then suddenly one day I got a message that my parents were seriouslysick. I tried but I couldn't get any holidays and thus could not go toIndia ... The next message I got was my parents had passed away and asthere wasno one to do the last rights the society members had done whatever theycould. I was depressed. My parents had passed away without seeing theirgrand children.After couple more years passed away, much to my children's dislike and mywife's joy we returned to India to settle down. I started to look for asuitable property, but to my dismay my savings were short and the propertyprices had gone up during all these years. I had to return tothe USA ...My wife refused to come back with me and my children refused to stay inIndia ... My 2 children and I returned to USA after promising my wife Iwould be back for good after two years.Time passed by, my daughter decided to get married to an American and my sonwas happy living in USA ... I decided that had enough and wound-up everything and returned to India .. I had just enough money to buy a decent 02bedroom flat in a well-developed locality.Now I am 60 years old and the only time I go out of the flat is for theroutine visit to the nearby temple. My faithful wife has also left me andgone to the holy abode.Sometimes I wondered was it worth all this? My father, even after stayingin India , had a house to his name and I too have the same nothing more.I lost my parents and children for just ONE EXTRA BEDROOM.Looking out from the window I see a lot of children dancing. This damnedcable TV has spoiled our new generation and these children are losing theirvalues and culture because of it. I get occasional cards from my childrenasking I am alright. Well at least they rememberme.Now perhaps after I die it will be the neighbors again who will beperforming my last rights, God Bless them. But the question still remains'was all this worth it?'*********

Washing the dead....

Yesterday, my friend asked if I could come and help wash the body of a muslim sister who had died. At first I was like WHAT!!! you want me to what??? Then I came to my senses, and thought what will happen to my body when I die, will there be anybody to wash my body when I die? So I told her okay I would help but I've never done it before. She told me she would teach me, she couldn't do it because she was on her periods. So she took me to the funeral home where the body was. There was 4 of us 2 from the deceased's family and me and another friend. I thought I would freak out when I would see the body, but honestly I was okay about it, it looked like she was sleeping. When we started, I had to lift her hand it was so stiff. I was surprised, I hadn't realized how much the body changes after death, it was like lifting a statue or something. I remember the friend that was teaching us kept saying "be careful" and "be gentle". Even though she's dead she can still feel everything that is being done to her body. I was mentally fine until the shrouding part came, the kamees,scarf etc., all were placed, then the last part(that's what got me all shaken up) the last piece of the shroud the face and entire body was covered and 3 pieces of cloth were used to tie up the body. I was by the body's feet, so I didn't see them tie the top portion, but when I looked up my eyes popped out and that's when I started to get teary eyed. That was it her life is done all wrapped up and ready to be put in the grave. All the jewelry that she owned, her wealth all gone. She can not take anything with her. The only thing with her was her deeds. Make dua for her, may Allah grant her Jannah. Ameen.

It makes me wonder why I strive so hard to get the best house or car, when in the end there will only be enough room for my body in the qabr. May allah grant us ease in the grave and easy reckoning on qiyamaat. And grant us Jannah.
AMEEN!!!

Ramadan Mubarak!

I want to wish you all Ramadan Mubarak.
Insha Allah remember me in your Dua's.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY ..to me

Yes today is my wedding anniversary. I didn't even realize it till iI looked at the calendar. My husband is out of town, so it's really not much of an anniversary. So I will just be like its like its a normal day. (sigh)

I'm back

I know it's been a long time ....
I was away at my parents, I got back a couple of weeks ago. Now just trying to get things back in order. There's alot things going on in my head, hurt, disappointment anger, loneliness. All these things can all be cured by asking Allah. The problem is I'm not. My Iman has gone down , I'm not the same. I am not regular in my weekly halaqa's that I ususally go evey week. I guess I am kinda fed up with the sisters here, there fakeness and lack of sisterhood in this community.
In time, with dua and patience, I will get pass this phase that I am in. I could use some support. Insha Allah will provide

Insha Allah I will write more about what's been going on.

Yo what's up Jerzee!!

I was over at another sister's blog and thought to myself I wonder what my english was like. Before college it was a thick jersey accent, but after college and living elsewhere in the country it's a bit jumbled up. But after answering the questions, I have pretty much still have my jersey accent, but what's dixie,

Your Linguistic Profile:

40% General American English 35% Yankee 20% Dixie 0% Midwestern 0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

All bottled up...

Since I am kinda on a vacation, I have been doing alot of thinking, about my marriage and life in general.Another sister mentioned this to me once, based on her experiences. She told me to be more open with my feelings. It got me thinking, I have been married 7 years and whenever I did not like something he did or said I would just keep quiet. Thinking he would eventually realize his mistakes. And that I had to be patient. Well after all these years rather than him changing, he continued to be the same person, and very little has changed. And the only person to blame is me. If I just told him what I felt right then and there, things might be different. But you see it's not that easy, I keep things inside because I don't know how to express it. Theres a way to say things but I just don't know how to say it with out being to harsh. My mother always said being desi and being brought up in America, I am like in the middle. I only sord of understand the indian mentality and culture. By now most desi's born and raised in India, know exactly how to handle their husbands. Cause their from the same background. I will not see my husband for a couple months he is on a business trip. Which is kinda good for us, we need that break. I NEED THAT BREAK! I know he is totally not at fault I need to correct myself and actions first.
okay I have now admitted to my faults, it's now time to act on them.....

A well deserved break'

Well I am in jersey, It's so nice to just sit and not have to worry about dinner or feed or change the baby. Since there are so many hands to help out, the kids don't bother me much, except for the 2 yr old. Well my 2 yr old, he is very attached to me, so if I wanna spend some alone in my room, 2 min later there will be knock on the door, " amma can I come in?" I'm not complaining. A friend told me that boys that are attached to their mothers like will take care of their mothers int heir old age. Insha Allah.
My husband was that way with his mother.

Any way there's alot of stuff going on here, will fill you in later.
It's like 2:30 in the after noon and I'm gonna take a nap, did you here that a nap, something that was not possible a couple of days ago, back in my house. I'm upstairs and I don't even know what my children are doing. I know my parents are watching them, but I still think i gotta run and check on them. It's weird you want that time alone, and when you have it all you think about is the kids. Well I better take that nap, before I forget that I wanted one, and start checking up on the kids

My apologies....

Okay I think I might have started something rather than ending something.
first, what ever I wrote was just my point of view from what I understood.
The hadith I quoted was from a muslim website : .radioislam.co.za
under on air programs.
in that it mentioned that one of the rights given to children is to be given good islamic names.( this has been mentioned many other religious books too) That's why I thought if a child is born, we name him a muslim name, then when one converts to Islam, shouldn't one want to, too( my thoughts only). I don't know if it a must to change your name or not. Further more being born muslim I don't know what it is like for a convert, in the beginning stages of being a muslim, or any stage for that matter. That's why I didn't want to put my foot to deep in the water, since I don't know how swim.
Many of the muslim converts I know who have changed their names have changed only their first name, not their last names. One sister said to me once If my name is called out in public, then people will know that I am muslim.
Another friend of mine told me that when she changed her name it was a way of letting go of the past.
Having heard all that I thought it would just take time for one to want to change their name. OKay....
**************************************************************************************
BTW I am in jersey, forgot to mention in before because of so many other things going on, will catch up in the next post.

what's in a name?

There seems to be a difference in opinion in changing names. To me a name defines who we are. If you keep a muslim name, you will be known as a muslim. That's just my opinion.

Sayyadina Abu Darda RA narrated that Rasulullah SAW said: “you will be called on the day of judgment by your names and your fathers names so keep good names“.


**************************************************************************************
Okay I don't want to further talk more about this subject coz it seems everytime any topic about Islam is brought up, it always turns into a debate as to who knows more about Islam. In reality, Ilm is important, but putting what we know into practice is more essential and rewarding in the eyes of Allah. By know means am I a scholar or have the authority to give commentary on hadiths or tafseer of the quran. One thing I do have the authority to do is to teach my children the beauty of Islam, so that it may be easy to be put into practice.

Recap of the week....

Wed.
We had some guest over They were new converts to Islam, they had not changed their names yet, so when their daughter(Ramya) told her name to my daughter, my daughter asked her what kind of name was that. I was surprised she could tell that Ramya was not a muslim name. So towards the end of the evening she is calling her Rafiya. I reminded her that her name was Ramya not Rafiya. She said to me in a matter of fact tone I don't think she's a Ramya anymore, Rafiya sounds better
Excuse me!!

Thurs.
We had guest again A family from chicago moved over here recently. They had a daughter my daughter's age and a son the age of my 2 yr old. They had a ball turned the house upside down. My daughter came up to me and said I am happy, I have a friend. My heart just skippped a beat i was so happy to see my daughter happy..

Fri.
Nothing much, my husband worked from home and drove my crazy. If your working from home you have to realize that you can not turn the house into a office. Especially with 3 very loud children around!!

Sat.
Went out for lunch, had chinese. It's a halal indo-chinese restaurant, so basically desi's go there. there was alot of the College and highschool crowd mixed with families. It was funny cause in the highschool crowd there were a bunch of girls and then a hero in the middle of the group of girls.

Sun.
Slept and slept some more..
Well ther you have it my exciting,thrilling, worldwind adventurous week!

I can't think of a title right now

This weekend we are going to my BIL's house for the weekend. I wanna go at the same time I kinda don't want to go. My jatani elder BIL's wife, is really a nice person. Can be really helpful at times. Then can be totally distant, I can't tell if its a inferiority complex or just plain jealousy. She was brought up in India stop right there that alone can bring a complex refer to The kids are driving me crazy!! post Anyway what I'm try to say is she has two faces, one where she show sympathy and is caring, then one where she is just all about herself. She truly a nice person.

*************************************************************************************
okay I originally started this post on thursday or something now it's wednesday and we went and are back. Let me just tell you how pissed off I was. There is a limit to the certain things. The whole freakin weekend BIL's wife was on the phone the whole time, talking to her mom. Like I totallly understand you have every right to talk to your mom, but you see she's got this vonage thingy where she can talk to her parents( who are in India) anytime you want for free. She talks to them everyday once in the morning and once in the night for maybe an hour or so. So you think she would lay off a bit on the phone calls over the weekend since we are there, But it was like any free time she is chatting away. I felt like so ignored they were not talking anything of importance, that's what bothered me the most. She was like yeah I am cooking this today, what did you make? Blah blah blah. After she finished cooking she sat on the sofa and picked up the phone started again. Rather than talking to me, who was sitting right next to her she's on the phone. Sunday was when I got really pissed off, we were all getting ready to go to the mall and so my husband says he needed to use the bathroom, so we are waiting, his brother is on the computer and I was in the living room feeding the baby and looking through the sunday sales paper that comes with the morning paper. So she comes in and takes a hand full of sales paper and heads to her room. Then she comes out and talkng on the phone to her mom and heads to the family room to chat some more. I thought she would sit and talk with me since we won't be seeing each other for a couple months. Coz my husband will be out of town. That's the real reason why I was getting more upset. I don't get it I talk to my mom everyday too, but not when my husband is home or some one is over. I think it's just rude. She makes a big deal as if she slaved over a hot stove or something. Most of the stuff was premade or defrosted and for indian standards that is not exceptable, especially in my husbands family everything should be made fresh (my BIL has no clue that she defrosted food or else he would have a fit). Maybe the salan was fresh and how long is that gonna take! Any way I just felt like we were unwelcomed by her.

Tag your it.

I've been tagged by Young muslimah. So here it goes:
10 simple pleasures

1.that I am not "forgotten" in the eyes of Allah
2.sleeping in late
3.have my 2 yr old say "I LUBBA YOU"
4.each time my daughter tells me she finished memorizing a surah, masha allah
5.relaxing on a secluded beach
6.when the house is nice and quiet.
7.being able to eat a piece of chocolate and not having to hear can I have some?
8.when my youngest(6 mos) smiles at me
9.bubble baths
10.having someone cook for me!!

well those are my simple pleasures

It's really sad..

I took my daughter to a class trip , she's in 1st grade at a virtual school. So she was really excited about meeting her teacher and other kids in her grade. It was at a science museum. Anyway my car alarm was giving me problems, so I asked a ride from a friend who's son is in my daughter's grade she was like okay. She picked me up at around 8:30 and as soon as we got there she took her kids out and said she had to return some books at the museum library and she would meet me inside. I hadn't gotten all my kids , so I told her to wait a sec and we'll go together, since I was not familiar with the museum. I mean it was her car wouldn't she want to make sure it was locked? She was acting strange. After I got the kids in the stroller, she started walking ahead of me, I was like why didn't she want to walk with me? So she tells me she will go in the library to return the books, I said okay. I was waiting for outside. After she finished rather then coming up to me she starts to the front entrance of the museum( where everybody was supposed to meet) I was like kind feeling weird like she was trying to get rid of me.. Like she was embarassed to be with me.
You see I wear niqab and she just wears a scarf ,pant and shirt. We've never been out together its always my house,hers or another friends. This was our 1st outing together in public. I had no idea she felt this way. She should've just that she couldn't take or she could've just taken my daughter. All that could've and should've didn't happen instead I was the one hurt. Not because she was dissin me, but the fact that she was a muslim and treated another muslim that way. My next door neighbor is a white american and she's always telling to go on walks with around the neigborhood with her and our kids. Obviously she doesn't cover and I am fully covered. and that doesn't seem to bother her. JUST WHY WAS MY FRIEND SO BOTHERED ABOUT THAT.

Sometimes I wonder about muslims who think and behave like my friend. Do they think people wont stare at them, even if the are just wearing a scarf on their head. It doesn't matter if people stare any less at you for just wearing a scarf but you shouldn't make another feel disrespected for covering more. Me personally I don't think I am any better than one who doesn't cover. Actually Some of my good friends don't wear niqab and we respect each other's wishes. And spend time with each other outside of the house in public and never thought what others might think of us. I thought that my friend who took me to museum felt the same.
MY BAD.
Any way life goes on , I guess I'm just sensitive that way. After that incident we've met up a couple times at get togethers. but I just felt uncomfortable. You know you don't how to behave after an incident like that.

Tea Party with Brad Pitt's neighbor

I attended a tea party earlier this week met up with friends and me some new people. I met a girl let's call her Z. She was really nice brought up in L.A. The hostess told me that Z's parents are filthy rich and are neighbors to Brad Pitt. I didn't believe her , this hijabi wearing mother of 2 little girls is Brad Pitt's neighbor? She spoke really good urdu( for an ABCD) anyway it seems her father owns about 200 or so taco bell stores. So the guy is rich. Big deal. It's just the fact that after growing up in L.A.(hollywood hills, to be exact) she came out normal. She had a conscience , she was so humble. Desi's with even a little bit money and some broken english act like their hot sh--. And here Z is brought up in the lap up luxury and doesn't show a hint of ego or snottiness.

Maybe there is hope for us ABCD's afterall.

My Kids

I have 3 children, oldest 6, 2nd is 2 1/2, and youngest is 6 mos. I love them with all my heart. That's why it hurts when my 6 yr old says she has no friends. But after some thinking and observing I think she's a little bossy. Like one time she told a girl in the masjid, that she should not wear nail polish, coz' she can not pray and her wudu is not valid. She told some other girls that they should not wear short sleeve shirts in the masjid. I think my daughter has become the muslim law enforcer.
I know she means well, but obviously no one would liked to be told what to do, ALL THE TIME!! I think she feels deep in her heart that maybe it's not fair why those girls get to do it and not me. I truly feel sorry for her. How to make her understand that she's in the right path. I feel so lost sometimes when it comes to things like this. You work so hard to teach your children right from wrong. And then you step outside your door and then you are put to the test. TO cave in or to stay steadfast. Now adays it looks like it's so much easier to just be like everyone else, whether right or wrong.
Now I truly understand why Allah Subhana ta'ala gives so much honor and such high status for the mother. It's not easy raising your kids the right way. The upbringing of a child is so essential, in character building.. It's who we are.

Okay I have to always keep this in my head, so everytime I am faced with an obstacle, I will know how to overcome it.

Question..

How do you upload photos or put up images onto this thing?? I have tried and failed. Computer illiterate wants to know.
BTW my husband is a computer consultant. I know I should be put to shame.
I can't ask him coz he this blog is suppose to be a place where I can vent and ramble without being known.

Anyway,someone who knows let me know, too.

been busy...

I have been busy this past week, with my husband leaving for his trip and me trying trying to get the house all cleaned up before I go to jersey. My husband left friday night it's weird but I miss him. I'll be alone with the kids, for a week before we go. Insha Allah may Allah give me the strength to survive the week.

I am trying to potty train my 2 yr old son. It's really really hard with my oldest it was easy, she learnt in 2 weeks. I can get to use the bathroom for 1 but not for 2. Which sucks coz' it's a bigger mess for me to clean up. EWW!! I know.


My 6 yr. old is a bubbly friendly girl. I am currently homeschooling her and so she doesn't get much interaction with other kids her age as she would if she went school. Everyday I take her to our masjid for quran class, which she loves coz she's with other kids. The only problem is the kids are a bunch of brats. They are quite rude and mean. When she went for the 1st time to quran class, she tried to make friends, she asked a girl what her name was and the girl gave a dirty look and said why do you want to know. My daughter just stared at her. She didn't know what to say. We went an ameen party and as soon we came home she started crying and said she has no friends. It broke my heart cause I know that she one of the sweetest little girls I know. Kids these days are so mean. I just hope this doesn't crush her self esteem. Masha Allah she's such a smart and bright girl. It's a shame kids are to blind to to see it. A girl once told my daughter she was ugly and my daughter told her your a muslim and I'm a muslim, and we were created by Allah and Allah makes all things that are beautiful. I was awestruck , I was so happy that she had the courage to stand up to that bully.
BTW- that girl after hearing that said okay your not ugly.

Today my 2 1/2 year old said something that caught my attention. He looked at me and said I'll kill you. I slapped him in his but, and said don't ever say that again. He laughed and said it again. I had no clue on how to handle this situation. I just couldn't believe he said that. I remember over the weekend we were at a friends house and I remember one of their sons said to my 2 yr old in playful manner, " come here or I'll kill you" He is maybe 7 or 8. Even he didn't realize the seriousness of what he was saying. I wonder if my son picked it up from him? Whatever the case, it was a wakeup call for me. We have to be careful what is said in front of our kids.


Life what be much easier if my kids were made of playdoh and I can just mold them to the way I want them to be and if they lose their shape I can always fix it.

This one is for all the moms out there

A man came home from work and found his three
children outside, still in
their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food
boxes and wrappers strewn
all around the front yard. The door of his wife's
car was open, as was the
front door to the house and there was no sign of
the cat. Proceeding into
the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp
had been knocked over, and
the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the
front room the TV was
loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family
room was strewn with toys
and various items of clothing. In the kitchen,
dishes filled the sink,
breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the
fridge door was open wide,
cat food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass
lay under the table, and a
small pile of sand was spread by the back door He
quickly headed up the
stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of
clothes, looking for his wife.
He was worried she may be ill, or that something
serious had happened. He
was met with a small trickle of water as it made
its way out the bathroom
door. As he peered inside he found wet towels,
scummy soap and more toys
strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay
in a heap and toothpaste
had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he
rushed to t he bedroom, he
found his wife still curled up in the bed in her
pajamas, reading a novel.
She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his
day went. He looked at her
bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and
answered, "You know every day when you come home
from work and you ask me
what in the world did I do today?" "Yes," was his
incredulous reply. She
answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

Priceless!

Going home...

Next month I will be spending some of our summer vacation at my parents house. I am looking forward to it at the same time I am kinda nervous. I know when I go home my parents will take over feeding and diaper duty. I can get some well deserved rest. And the kids will be happy to see their grandparents, vice versa. And everyone's happy. But then eventually, they will start on how I am not working and how I am not taking care of myself.
Any one has any ideas for a quick weight loss solution.


I was reading my past posts, I realized that I might have made it look like my parents were not good to me. But in all honesty they really did care and love me, they just didn't know how to really express it. I do appreciate all that hey have done for me. After reading the past posts I realized I am am being ungrateful for what I have. From now on I am not gonna talk about the past . Let go of the pain and move on. Because whatever pain I felt I know my parents never meant to do it on purpose. I love them and always will. May allah forgive me for all the grumbling I have been doing.
Ameen.

Regrets.. . A WHOLE ALOT OF THEM!!

People wonder why I went to India for college. I know why cause I caved in. I couldn't take the constant pressuring from my father. He kept telling it was the right thing to do.For him it was financially. For me it was like my world was ending. I was very young and had not mentally matured. My vision in an indian college was seeing people prancing around the college corridors and trees, like the college themed bollywood movies. Well there was do dancing or singing on my first day it was ragging( similar to hazing in frat houses, only in the indian colleges all the freshmen were hazed)
There were a lot of other NRI's beside my self in my college, the seniors would round us up and make us sing the indian national anthem, Uh excuse me but a bunch of NRI girls singing janna baana whatever, not very pleasing to the ear.

I had a tough time in college it was like being in highschool all over again, people would date but I knew I couldn't. After all these years I realized that not being able to date wasn't the part that sucked but it was the part of being alone. After class my friends would get ready and meet their respected boyfriends, and I would sit in my room. I could've dated but I knew I wasn't allowed to. But neither were any of the other girls either. I guess that's the problem with having a conscience.

I always wished I could speak up and firmly say no I don't want to study in India, I stil remember that day I agreed to go I had tears in my eyes, I was crying. But after that My father spoke to me properly. And eveyhting was honky dory.

I know theres no point in crying over spilt milk, but that was one mistake that led to many more that I had made. Which has me regretting so much. I can tell total strangers what I'm feeling but not to my dear ones. Sad isn't it.

Over the years, I have started to learn about Islam and that's whats keeping me going. I make dua that I can open up rather stand up to my family, husband included. For god sakes I've got kids and I don't want them to make the same mistakes I did.

The kids are driving me crazy!!

I know it's been awhile since I have been blogging. But I just can't get time with my kids. I am so stressed out, I feel at times know one understands what I am going through. My husband just doesn' get it. He wants the house clean,kids and I clean, and dinner ready. Don't get me wrong he's a good husband, but sometimes he get's on my nerves. I guess coz' we're from 2 different worlds. I grew in America and He grew up in India. He had to work his way up , studied hard worked hard , got good grades and earned a gold medal(honors) in college. Now he is succesful computer guy. But me I didn't have to work hard to get food on the table, walk my miles to the bus stop, the way he did. And I think that he will always feel inferior to me in that way. I admire him for all his acomplishments, but I don't think I should be punished or feel bad that I lead an easier life. I know I started somewhere and heading somewhere else. But Maybe the root of all this stress, is the lack of communication between me and him. In the 7 years we have been married I have given up alot things. Now I realized I do have the right to speak up and demand certain things. The problem is I don't have the guts to say it. Partly cause of religion, I want to do the right thing, not being a dominant wife and get a way with it. I want to make him realize the things he says are wrong at times and maybe he should apoligize. alright that's all for now the kids are at it again.
Will vent later.

Afterlife

These days all I have been hearing about is death
It's such a scary thing. Last week my mom
told me that our cousins grandma passed away.
My friend called me today and told me her friend
Atika passed away in mecca, she had just finished umrah
and her family and her sisters family were driving back
to the airport and the tire bursted. Atika her 1 yr old son
died as well as her sisters 2 children and her sister's husband.
Imagine waking up and being told your husband and children are dead
I know the death of my cousins grand ma is sad but she lived till 80 masha allah
But atika she was young her son just 1 yrs old. we don't know why Allah takes away our loved ones but what ever Allah does is for the good.

It got me thinking about my own death I'm so scared to even think about it
when we are layed in the ground there will nothing but darkness.
My friend told me to recite Allahumma ajrni minnar 7 times after every fajr and every magrib salaat and you should also read surah mulk after magrib salat, protects you from the punishment in the grave and and hellfire
May Allah protect us all from the the punishment of the grave and jahananam
ameen.

IQRA!

I want to share this with you all:

Why do we read Quraan, even if we can't understand
a single
> >Arabic word????
> > Here is a beautiful story
> >An old American Muslim lived on a farm in the mountains of eastern
> >Kentucky with his young grandson. Each morning Grandpa was up early
> >sitting at the kitchen table reading his Quraan. His grandson wanted
> >to be just like him and tried to imitate him in every
>way he could.
> >One day the grandson asked, "Grandpa! I try to read the Qur'an just
> >like you but I don't understand it, and what I do understand I
> >forget as soon as I close the book. What good does reading the
> >Qur'an do?" The Grandfather quietly turned from putting coal in the
> >stove and replied, "Ta ke this coal basket down to the river and
> >bring me back a basket of water." The boy did as he was told, but
> >all the water leaked out before he got back to the house. The
> >grandfather laughed and said, "You'll have to move a little faster
> >next time," and sent him back to the river with the basket to try
> >again. This time the boy ran faster, but again the basket was empty
> >before he returned home. Out of breath, he told his
> > grandfather that it was impossible to carry
>water in a basket, and
> >he went to get a bucket instead. The old man said, "I don't want a
> >bucket of water; I want a basket of water. You're just not trying
> >hard enough," and he went out the door to watch the boy try again.
> >At this point, the boy knew it was impossible, but he wanted to show
> >his grandfather that even if he ran as fast as he could, the water
> >would Leak out before he got back to the house. The boy again dipped
> >the basket into river and ran hard, but when he reached his
> >grandfather the basket was again empty. Out of breathe, he said,
> >"See Grandpa, it's useless!" "So you think it is useless?" The old
> >man said, "Look at the basket." The boy looked at the basket and for
> >the first time realized that the basket was different. It had been
> >transformed from a dirty old coal basket and was
>now clean, inside
> >and out. "Son, that's what happens when you read the Qur'an. You
> >might not understand or remember everything, but when
> > you read it, you will be changed, inside and out. That is the
work
> >of Allah in our lives." If you feel this email is worth reading,
> >please forward to your contacts/friends. Prophet Muhammad ( p.b.u.h)
> >says: "The one who guides to good will be rewarded equally"
> >

HELLO!!

I never realized that there are so many like me out there
when I was in school (an all white school,
with the occasional wannabe thug,
who thought they were from brooklyn,
but really from the white jersey suburbs)


Anyway, when I was in high school I was one of the few
desi's. I never dated anyone in highschool coz
of religion and family. After looking back I
think now that was a tough time in my life, I was told
no school dances,dating and if I was to go out with friends
I would have to be home by 9:30. When we all know all fun starts
after 10:00. I felt it wasn't fair. I thought if I can't do all of those things
then why do they throw me in the middle of it all and make me resist my temptations.
I tried to be the good little girl tried to please my parents and do what ever they said , because I forgot that Allah gave me a brain to make up my own decisions.
If I ever did anything that was disapproving of my parents, I was always made to look like a disappointment and if my little sister screwed up, it was always"It's okay do better next time"
Don't get me wrong my parents love me but they just don't know how to show it, they thought lecturing me to death will make me understand. All the lectures started when I got married and my brain woke up and said "I'm here so use me!" I started to make desicions for myself like when I decided I didn't want to work as a PT and would rather be a stay at home mom. That was it the volcano erupted in my house my parents thought my husband was making me or the enviroment I was in(20 or 30 something families who wanted to practice our religion) was not right. they said I should spend more time with women who work so that I realize what a big mistake I was making. It's been 7 yrs and they still haven't given up, neither have I.
I love my parents dearly, I just wish they would see my side of it all. The joy of seeing your childrens first steps and not receiving a call from the babysitter at work telling you, that your child took her first step.
My parents aren't the only ones who think the way they do it's our family and family friends do also. They make it look like I threw my life away. But I look at it like I finally got my life in order.

DON'T JUDGE THE BOOK BY IT'S COVER (or maybe we should?)

I am a little new at this blog thing, so bear with me, till I get the hang of it.
I created this blog so I can vent. Then go on with life.
I try to be a "good muslim". What does that really mean?
I would like to know what people really define as a good muslim, specially
with all the attention in the media, about Tehran's strict dress code.
Does the appearance really decide whether you are good muslim or is it what's in your heart.
Or is it both??