Today my 2 1/2 year old said something that caught my attention. He looked at me and said I'll kill you. I slapped him in his but, and said don't ever say that again. He laughed and said it again. I had no clue on how to handle this situation. I just couldn't believe he said that. I remember over the weekend we were at a friends house and I remember one of their sons said to my 2 yr old in playful manner, " come here or I'll kill you" He is maybe 7 or 8. Even he didn't realize the seriousness of what he was saying. I wonder if my son picked it up from him? Whatever the case, it was a wakeup call for me. We have to be careful what is said in front of our kids.


Life what be much easier if my kids were made of playdoh and I can just mold them to the way I want them to be and if they lose their shape I can always fix it.

This one is for all the moms out there

A man came home from work and found his three
children outside, still in
their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food
boxes and wrappers strewn
all around the front yard. The door of his wife's
car was open, as was the
front door to the house and there was no sign of
the cat. Proceeding into
the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp
had been knocked over, and
the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the
front room the TV was
loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family
room was strewn with toys
and various items of clothing. In the kitchen,
dishes filled the sink,
breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the
fridge door was open wide,
cat food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass
lay under the table, and a
small pile of sand was spread by the back door He
quickly headed up the
stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of
clothes, looking for his wife.
He was worried she may be ill, or that something
serious had happened. He
was met with a small trickle of water as it made
its way out the bathroom
door. As he peered inside he found wet towels,
scummy soap and more toys
strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay
in a heap and toothpaste
had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he
rushed to t he bedroom, he
found his wife still curled up in the bed in her
pajamas, reading a novel.
She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his
day went. He looked at her
bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and
answered, "You know every day when you come home
from work and you ask me
what in the world did I do today?" "Yes," was his
incredulous reply. She
answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

Priceless!

Going home...

Next month I will be spending some of our summer vacation at my parents house. I am looking forward to it at the same time I am kinda nervous. I know when I go home my parents will take over feeding and diaper duty. I can get some well deserved rest. And the kids will be happy to see their grandparents, vice versa. And everyone's happy. But then eventually, they will start on how I am not working and how I am not taking care of myself.
Any one has any ideas for a quick weight loss solution.


I was reading my past posts, I realized that I might have made it look like my parents were not good to me. But in all honesty they really did care and love me, they just didn't know how to really express it. I do appreciate all that hey have done for me. After reading the past posts I realized I am am being ungrateful for what I have. From now on I am not gonna talk about the past . Let go of the pain and move on. Because whatever pain I felt I know my parents never meant to do it on purpose. I love them and always will. May allah forgive me for all the grumbling I have been doing.
Ameen.

Regrets.. . A WHOLE ALOT OF THEM!!

People wonder why I went to India for college. I know why cause I caved in. I couldn't take the constant pressuring from my father. He kept telling it was the right thing to do.For him it was financially. For me it was like my world was ending. I was very young and had not mentally matured. My vision in an indian college was seeing people prancing around the college corridors and trees, like the college themed bollywood movies. Well there was do dancing or singing on my first day it was ragging( similar to hazing in frat houses, only in the indian colleges all the freshmen were hazed)
There were a lot of other NRI's beside my self in my college, the seniors would round us up and make us sing the indian national anthem, Uh excuse me but a bunch of NRI girls singing janna baana whatever, not very pleasing to the ear.

I had a tough time in college it was like being in highschool all over again, people would date but I knew I couldn't. After all these years I realized that not being able to date wasn't the part that sucked but it was the part of being alone. After class my friends would get ready and meet their respected boyfriends, and I would sit in my room. I could've dated but I knew I wasn't allowed to. But neither were any of the other girls either. I guess that's the problem with having a conscience.

I always wished I could speak up and firmly say no I don't want to study in India, I stil remember that day I agreed to go I had tears in my eyes, I was crying. But after that My father spoke to me properly. And eveyhting was honky dory.

I know theres no point in crying over spilt milk, but that was one mistake that led to many more that I had made. Which has me regretting so much. I can tell total strangers what I'm feeling but not to my dear ones. Sad isn't it.

Over the years, I have started to learn about Islam and that's whats keeping me going. I make dua that I can open up rather stand up to my family, husband included. For god sakes I've got kids and I don't want them to make the same mistakes I did.

The kids are driving me crazy!!

I know it's been awhile since I have been blogging. But I just can't get time with my kids. I am so stressed out, I feel at times know one understands what I am going through. My husband just doesn' get it. He wants the house clean,kids and I clean, and dinner ready. Don't get me wrong he's a good husband, but sometimes he get's on my nerves. I guess coz' we're from 2 different worlds. I grew in America and He grew up in India. He had to work his way up , studied hard worked hard , got good grades and earned a gold medal(honors) in college. Now he is succesful computer guy. But me I didn't have to work hard to get food on the table, walk my miles to the bus stop, the way he did. And I think that he will always feel inferior to me in that way. I admire him for all his acomplishments, but I don't think I should be punished or feel bad that I lead an easier life. I know I started somewhere and heading somewhere else. But Maybe the root of all this stress, is the lack of communication between me and him. In the 7 years we have been married I have given up alot things. Now I realized I do have the right to speak up and demand certain things. The problem is I don't have the guts to say it. Partly cause of religion, I want to do the right thing, not being a dominant wife and get a way with it. I want to make him realize the things he says are wrong at times and maybe he should apoligize. alright that's all for now the kids are at it again.
Will vent later.

Afterlife

These days all I have been hearing about is death
It's such a scary thing. Last week my mom
told me that our cousins grandma passed away.
My friend called me today and told me her friend
Atika passed away in mecca, she had just finished umrah
and her family and her sisters family were driving back
to the airport and the tire bursted. Atika her 1 yr old son
died as well as her sisters 2 children and her sister's husband.
Imagine waking up and being told your husband and children are dead
I know the death of my cousins grand ma is sad but she lived till 80 masha allah
But atika she was young her son just 1 yrs old. we don't know why Allah takes away our loved ones but what ever Allah does is for the good.

It got me thinking about my own death I'm so scared to even think about it
when we are layed in the ground there will nothing but darkness.
My friend told me to recite Allahumma ajrni minnar 7 times after every fajr and every magrib salaat and you should also read surah mulk after magrib salat, protects you from the punishment in the grave and and hellfire
May Allah protect us all from the the punishment of the grave and jahananam
ameen.

IQRA!

I want to share this with you all:

Why do we read Quraan, even if we can't understand
a single
> >Arabic word????
> > Here is a beautiful story
> >An old American Muslim lived on a farm in the mountains of eastern
> >Kentucky with his young grandson. Each morning Grandpa was up early
> >sitting at the kitchen table reading his Quraan. His grandson wanted
> >to be just like him and tried to imitate him in every
>way he could.
> >One day the grandson asked, "Grandpa! I try to read the Qur'an just
> >like you but I don't understand it, and what I do understand I
> >forget as soon as I close the book. What good does reading the
> >Qur'an do?" The Grandfather quietly turned from putting coal in the
> >stove and replied, "Ta ke this coal basket down to the river and
> >bring me back a basket of water." The boy did as he was told, but
> >all the water leaked out before he got back to the house. The
> >grandfather laughed and said, "You'll have to move a little faster
> >next time," and sent him back to the river with the basket to try
> >again. This time the boy ran faster, but again the basket was empty
> >before he returned home. Out of breath, he told his
> > grandfather that it was impossible to carry
>water in a basket, and
> >he went to get a bucket instead. The old man said, "I don't want a
> >bucket of water; I want a basket of water. You're just not trying
> >hard enough," and he went out the door to watch the boy try again.
> >At this point, the boy knew it was impossible, but he wanted to show
> >his grandfather that even if he ran as fast as he could, the water
> >would Leak out before he got back to the house. The boy again dipped
> >the basket into river and ran hard, but when he reached his
> >grandfather the basket was again empty. Out of breathe, he said,
> >"See Grandpa, it's useless!" "So you think it is useless?" The old
> >man said, "Look at the basket." The boy looked at the basket and for
> >the first time realized that the basket was different. It had been
> >transformed from a dirty old coal basket and was
>now clean, inside
> >and out. "Son, that's what happens when you read the Qur'an. You
> >might not understand or remember everything, but when
> > you read it, you will be changed, inside and out. That is the
work
> >of Allah in our lives." If you feel this email is worth reading,
> >please forward to your contacts/friends. Prophet Muhammad ( p.b.u.h)
> >says: "The one who guides to good will be rewarded equally"
> >

HELLO!!

I never realized that there are so many like me out there
when I was in school (an all white school,
with the occasional wannabe thug,
who thought they were from brooklyn,
but really from the white jersey suburbs)


Anyway, when I was in high school I was one of the few
desi's. I never dated anyone in highschool coz
of religion and family. After looking back I
think now that was a tough time in my life, I was told
no school dances,dating and if I was to go out with friends
I would have to be home by 9:30. When we all know all fun starts
after 10:00. I felt it wasn't fair. I thought if I can't do all of those things
then why do they throw me in the middle of it all and make me resist my temptations.
I tried to be the good little girl tried to please my parents and do what ever they said , because I forgot that Allah gave me a brain to make up my own decisions.
If I ever did anything that was disapproving of my parents, I was always made to look like a disappointment and if my little sister screwed up, it was always"It's okay do better next time"
Don't get me wrong my parents love me but they just don't know how to show it, they thought lecturing me to death will make me understand. All the lectures started when I got married and my brain woke up and said "I'm here so use me!" I started to make desicions for myself like when I decided I didn't want to work as a PT and would rather be a stay at home mom. That was it the volcano erupted in my house my parents thought my husband was making me or the enviroment I was in(20 or 30 something families who wanted to practice our religion) was not right. they said I should spend more time with women who work so that I realize what a big mistake I was making. It's been 7 yrs and they still haven't given up, neither have I.
I love my parents dearly, I just wish they would see my side of it all. The joy of seeing your childrens first steps and not receiving a call from the babysitter at work telling you, that your child took her first step.
My parents aren't the only ones who think the way they do it's our family and family friends do also. They make it look like I threw my life away. But I look at it like I finally got my life in order.

DON'T JUDGE THE BOOK BY IT'S COVER (or maybe we should?)

I am a little new at this blog thing, so bear with me, till I get the hang of it.
I created this blog so I can vent. Then go on with life.
I try to be a "good muslim". What does that really mean?
I would like to know what people really define as a good muslim, specially
with all the attention in the media, about Tehran's strict dress code.
Does the appearance really decide whether you are good muslim or is it what's in your heart.
Or is it both??