I never realized that there are so many like me out there
when I was in school (an all white school,
with the occasional wannabe thug,
who thought they were from brooklyn,
but really from the white jersey suburbs)
Anyway, when I was in high school I was one of the few
desi's. I never dated anyone in highschool coz
of religion and family. After looking back I
think now that was a tough time in my life, I was told
no school dances,dating and if I was to go out with friends
I would have to be home by 9:30. When we all know all fun starts
after 10:00. I felt it wasn't fair. I thought if I can't do all of those things
then why do they throw me in the middle of it all and make me resist my temptations.
I tried to be the good little girl tried to please my parents and do what ever they said , because I forgot that Allah gave me a brain to make up my own decisions.
If I ever did anything that was disapproving of my parents, I was always made to look like a disappointment and if my little sister screwed up, it was always"It's okay do better next time"
Don't get me wrong my parents love me but they just don't know how to show it, they thought lecturing me to death will make me understand. All the lectures started when I got married and my brain woke up and said "I'm here so use me!" I started to make desicions for myself like when I decided I didn't want to work as a PT and would rather be a stay at home mom. That was it the volcano erupted in my house my parents thought my husband was making me or the enviroment I was in(20 or 30 something families who wanted to practice our religion) was not right. they said I should spend more time with women who work so that I realize what a big mistake I was making. It's been 7 yrs and they still haven't given up, neither have I.
I love my parents dearly, I just wish they would see my side of it all. The joy of seeing your childrens first steps and not receiving a call from the babysitter at work telling you, that your child took her first step.
My parents aren't the only ones who think the way they do it's our family and family friends do also. They make it look like I threw my life away. But I look at it like I finally got my life in order.
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I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow. Woodrow Wilson
1 comment:
Count me as one just like you! I have pretty much the same upbringing, and felt the same way about high school outings. I missed my prom and sometimes still regret that. And I totally get what you are saying about letting others decide because its easier, and there is less friction that way. I'm so the same. Like I don't even want to ever say something which may be seen as offensive, so I hold a lot back. Lately, I've started to voice my opinions in matters concerning religion, and well you've read my blog posts and can see thats not going so well.
About being a SAHM. I think its great! SO many kids now grow up with no love and supervision. They are cared for by paid day care workers who may not provide the best possible environment. The fact that you find raising your kids so rewarding is in fact what those working mothers should be praising. A lot of women just feel incomplete unless they have a job, and many see their kids as hindrances to their career. Thats tragic. the kids are the innocent ones who suffer. The fact that you devote yourself to your children really is something your parents should be proud of, instead of critical, but life is unfair-and trust me I hate that so much. I wish to GOD life was fair, but I don't think it'll ever come together all nice and clean *sigh*
I also wanted to tell you just how helpful your comments have been. I really really liked your last one about not worrying if people think i'm judgmental or not. Being impartial is something I really aspire to, but I'm human and will always have my own opinions on things, and may be making some judgments. And of course, you can't please all the people all of the time.
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