A Bitter Reality

Quite Thought Provoking… (this was sent to me by a friend)

As the dream of most parents I had acquired a degree in Software Engineerand joined a company based in USA , the land of braves and opportunity. WhenI arrived in the USA , it was as if a dream had come true.Here at last I was in the place where I want to be. I decided I would bestaying in this country for about Five years in which time I would haveearned enough money to settle down in India ..My father was a government employee and after his retirement, the onlyasset he could acquire was a decent one bedroom flat.I wanted to do some thing more than him. I started feeling homesick andlonely as the time passed. I used to call home and speak to my parents everyweek using cheap international phone cards. Two years passed, two years ofBurgers at McDonald's and pizzas and discos and 2 yearswatching the foreign exchange rate getting happy whenever the Rupee valuewent down.Finally I decided to get married. Told my parents that I have only 10 daysof holidays and everything must be done within these 10 days. I got myticket booked in the cheapest flight. Was jubilant and was actually enjoyinghopping for gifts for all my friends back home. If I miss anyone then therewill be talks. After reaching home I spent home one week going through allthe photographs of girls and as the time wasgetting shorter I was forced to select one candidate.In-laws told me, to my surprise, that I would have to get married in 2-3days, as I will not get anymore holidays. After the marriage, it was time toreturn to USA , after giving some money to my parents and telling theneighbors to look after them, we returned to USA ..My wife enjoyed this country for about two months and then she startedfeeling lonely. The frequency of calling India increased to twice in a weeksometimes 3 times a week. Our savings started diminishing.After two more years we started to have kids. Two lovely kids, a boy and agirl, were gifted to us by the almighty. Every time I spoke to my parents,they asked me to come to India so that they can see their grand-children.Every year I decide to go to India ... But part work part monetaryconditions prevented it. Years went by and visiting India was a distantdream. Then suddenly one day I got a message that my parents were seriouslysick. I tried but I couldn't get any holidays and thus could not go toIndia ... The next message I got was my parents had passed away and asthere wasno one to do the last rights the society members had done whatever theycould. I was depressed. My parents had passed away without seeing theirgrand children.After couple more years passed away, much to my children's dislike and mywife's joy we returned to India to settle down. I started to look for asuitable property, but to my dismay my savings were short and the propertyprices had gone up during all these years. I had to return tothe USA ...My wife refused to come back with me and my children refused to stay inIndia ... My 2 children and I returned to USA after promising my wife Iwould be back for good after two years.Time passed by, my daughter decided to get married to an American and my sonwas happy living in USA ... I decided that had enough and wound-up everything and returned to India .. I had just enough money to buy a decent 02bedroom flat in a well-developed locality.Now I am 60 years old and the only time I go out of the flat is for theroutine visit to the nearby temple. My faithful wife has also left me andgone to the holy abode.Sometimes I wondered was it worth all this? My father, even after stayingin India , had a house to his name and I too have the same nothing more.I lost my parents and children for just ONE EXTRA BEDROOM.Looking out from the window I see a lot of children dancing. This damnedcable TV has spoiled our new generation and these children are losing theirvalues and culture because of it. I get occasional cards from my childrenasking I am alright. Well at least they rememberme.Now perhaps after I die it will be the neighbors again who will beperforming my last rights, God Bless them. But the question still remains'was all this worth it?'*********

Washing the dead....

Yesterday, my friend asked if I could come and help wash the body of a muslim sister who had died. At first I was like WHAT!!! you want me to what??? Then I came to my senses, and thought what will happen to my body when I die, will there be anybody to wash my body when I die? So I told her okay I would help but I've never done it before. She told me she would teach me, she couldn't do it because she was on her periods. So she took me to the funeral home where the body was. There was 4 of us 2 from the deceased's family and me and another friend. I thought I would freak out when I would see the body, but honestly I was okay about it, it looked like she was sleeping. When we started, I had to lift her hand it was so stiff. I was surprised, I hadn't realized how much the body changes after death, it was like lifting a statue or something. I remember the friend that was teaching us kept saying "be careful" and "be gentle". Even though she's dead she can still feel everything that is being done to her body. I was mentally fine until the shrouding part came, the kamees,scarf etc., all were placed, then the last part(that's what got me all shaken up) the last piece of the shroud the face and entire body was covered and 3 pieces of cloth were used to tie up the body. I was by the body's feet, so I didn't see them tie the top portion, but when I looked up my eyes popped out and that's when I started to get teary eyed. That was it her life is done all wrapped up and ready to be put in the grave. All the jewelry that she owned, her wealth all gone. She can not take anything with her. The only thing with her was her deeds. Make dua for her, may Allah grant her Jannah. Ameen.

It makes me wonder why I strive so hard to get the best house or car, when in the end there will only be enough room for my body in the qabr. May allah grant us ease in the grave and easy reckoning on qiyamaat. And grant us Jannah.
AMEEN!!!

Ramadan Mubarak!

I want to wish you all Ramadan Mubarak.
Insha Allah remember me in your Dua's.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY ..to me

Yes today is my wedding anniversary. I didn't even realize it till iI looked at the calendar. My husband is out of town, so it's really not much of an anniversary. So I will just be like its like its a normal day. (sigh)

I'm back

I know it's been a long time ....
I was away at my parents, I got back a couple of weeks ago. Now just trying to get things back in order. There's alot things going on in my head, hurt, disappointment anger, loneliness. All these things can all be cured by asking Allah. The problem is I'm not. My Iman has gone down , I'm not the same. I am not regular in my weekly halaqa's that I ususally go evey week. I guess I am kinda fed up with the sisters here, there fakeness and lack of sisterhood in this community.
In time, with dua and patience, I will get pass this phase that I am in. I could use some support. Insha Allah will provide

Insha Allah I will write more about what's been going on.

Yo what's up Jerzee!!

I was over at another sister's blog and thought to myself I wonder what my english was like. Before college it was a thick jersey accent, but after college and living elsewhere in the country it's a bit jumbled up. But after answering the questions, I have pretty much still have my jersey accent, but what's dixie,

Your Linguistic Profile:

40% General American English 35% Yankee 20% Dixie 0% Midwestern 0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

All bottled up...

Since I am kinda on a vacation, I have been doing alot of thinking, about my marriage and life in general.Another sister mentioned this to me once, based on her experiences. She told me to be more open with my feelings. It got me thinking, I have been married 7 years and whenever I did not like something he did or said I would just keep quiet. Thinking he would eventually realize his mistakes. And that I had to be patient. Well after all these years rather than him changing, he continued to be the same person, and very little has changed. And the only person to blame is me. If I just told him what I felt right then and there, things might be different. But you see it's not that easy, I keep things inside because I don't know how to express it. Theres a way to say things but I just don't know how to say it with out being to harsh. My mother always said being desi and being brought up in America, I am like in the middle. I only sord of understand the indian mentality and culture. By now most desi's born and raised in India, know exactly how to handle their husbands. Cause their from the same background. I will not see my husband for a couple months he is on a business trip. Which is kinda good for us, we need that break. I NEED THAT BREAK! I know he is totally not at fault I need to correct myself and actions first.
okay I have now admitted to my faults, it's now time to act on them.....