ughh!!!

oh i can't seem to get this stupid add image thingy.
I spent the weekend and this past week trying to get the pics
uploaded but know such luck. So I will just have to wait....
So this past weekend I was at my BIL's house yippee!!
That was a lot of fun ( not really) I just don't get my
jatani One minute she's the stuck up B***** and then the next minute she's all friendly and stuff. I wish I didn't have to deal with her, rather I wish I didn't get all personal about it. She frankly doesn't give a damn about me or my family I don't know if I could be as heartless as her.
But I do have to say hats off to her acting, how she has her husband wrapped around her little finger( my mom says I should learn from her) and how she acts like she's worked so hard cooking and cleaning. Heck if I could get away with defrosting and shoving the garbage under the sofa, I'd do it too. She's such an actress she could seriously win an Oscar for her fine work.
Actually she's a con artist, the way she's cons people into thinking she's the one we should feel sorry for.
I'll explain why all this ranting and raving in my next post....

On a lighter note...

As was the purpose of this blog, I got all my frustrations out, and feeling better.
I thought I would talk about my kids, the good and the funny. Enough with the bad, I love them dearly and yes lately they have been getting on my nerves, but Insha Allah when I am old and grey, I might be getting on their last nerve, asking for this help and that. I pray to Allah that I am dependant on only Allah and not my kids.

anyway.. I went to Walmart the other day, and as soon as we walk by a bunch of walmart employees, my 6 yr old pipes " Amma I didn't steal anything today." I looked at her like WHAT!! The employees just laughed. What she meant to say was " It's not good to steal so I am not gonna steal" Well her intention was good right?

What's going on?

As you may have noticed I have not been regular in my blogging. Espescially these past few months. I could say that it was because I couldn't get time or the computer was giving problems. But the truth was that I was giving myself time. You see I started to blog coz' I just wanted to get my frustrations out and use this blog as a diary of all the daily happenings in this life of mine. But right now I am so emotionally drained that I can hardly think. Theres no me time at all. You see I am homeschooling my 6 yr old and the 3 yr old and the 1 yr old are always up my butt. I run around like a mad women trying to teach, at the same time make sure she keeps up with her quran reading and memorizing. Normally that is what goes on in most houses, but most of their kids are at school most of the time and so they get that 6 or 7 hrs away from them. So when the kids get back from school the mother is a "bit refreshed" term used loosely. So they can run behind their kids to do their HW etc. Where as I am with them 24 by 7. Constantly hearing their naggin, yelling and screaming, hair pulling and tattle telling. It has really taken a toll on me. I have told my husband about it and we will Insha Allah put them in school next year. But till then what do I do? I am totally frustrated and just plain fed up with my life. I feel under appreciated for the amount of work and effort I put in this household. My husband says to plan something for the weekend and I want him and the kids out and me home, I wanna be free. I wanna be able to use the bathroom in peace without having to hear "what r u doing in there?" or be able to comb my hair without having the kids fighting to sit in mommies lap. Am I asking too much or maybe I should just stop dreaming. The problem is I am so irritable and annoyed with the kids, all the time. HELP!!!

BTW--- As I was typing this blog I was interuppted 10 times

2 Tough Questions
Question 1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion? Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.


Question 2: It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates. Who would you vote for?

Candidate AAssociates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.


Candidate B He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.


Candidate C He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife. Which of these candidates would be our choice?

Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.




Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.



And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:
If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.

Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone.
Wait till you see the end of this note!

Keep reading.. Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember: Amateurs...built the ark.
Professionals...built the Titanic

And Finally, can you imagine working for a company that has a little more
than 500 employees and has the following statistics:
* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year...


Can you guess which organization this is?

Give up yet?

It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.
The same group that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

A Bitter Reality

Quite Thought Provoking… (this was sent to me by a friend)

As the dream of most parents I had acquired a degree in Software Engineerand joined a company based in USA , the land of braves and opportunity. WhenI arrived in the USA , it was as if a dream had come true.Here at last I was in the place where I want to be. I decided I would bestaying in this country for about Five years in which time I would haveearned enough money to settle down in India ..My father was a government employee and after his retirement, the onlyasset he could acquire was a decent one bedroom flat.I wanted to do some thing more than him. I started feeling homesick andlonely as the time passed. I used to call home and speak to my parents everyweek using cheap international phone cards. Two years passed, two years ofBurgers at McDonald's and pizzas and discos and 2 yearswatching the foreign exchange rate getting happy whenever the Rupee valuewent down.Finally I decided to get married. Told my parents that I have only 10 daysof holidays and everything must be done within these 10 days. I got myticket booked in the cheapest flight. Was jubilant and was actually enjoyinghopping for gifts for all my friends back home. If I miss anyone then therewill be talks. After reaching home I spent home one week going through allthe photographs of girls and as the time wasgetting shorter I was forced to select one candidate.In-laws told me, to my surprise, that I would have to get married in 2-3days, as I will not get anymore holidays. After the marriage, it was time toreturn to USA , after giving some money to my parents and telling theneighbors to look after them, we returned to USA ..My wife enjoyed this country for about two months and then she startedfeeling lonely. The frequency of calling India increased to twice in a weeksometimes 3 times a week. Our savings started diminishing.After two more years we started to have kids. Two lovely kids, a boy and agirl, were gifted to us by the almighty. Every time I spoke to my parents,they asked me to come to India so that they can see their grand-children.Every year I decide to go to India ... But part work part monetaryconditions prevented it. Years went by and visiting India was a distantdream. Then suddenly one day I got a message that my parents were seriouslysick. I tried but I couldn't get any holidays and thus could not go toIndia ... The next message I got was my parents had passed away and asthere wasno one to do the last rights the society members had done whatever theycould. I was depressed. My parents had passed away without seeing theirgrand children.After couple more years passed away, much to my children's dislike and mywife's joy we returned to India to settle down. I started to look for asuitable property, but to my dismay my savings were short and the propertyprices had gone up during all these years. I had to return tothe USA ...My wife refused to come back with me and my children refused to stay inIndia ... My 2 children and I returned to USA after promising my wife Iwould be back for good after two years.Time passed by, my daughter decided to get married to an American and my sonwas happy living in USA ... I decided that had enough and wound-up everything and returned to India .. I had just enough money to buy a decent 02bedroom flat in a well-developed locality.Now I am 60 years old and the only time I go out of the flat is for theroutine visit to the nearby temple. My faithful wife has also left me andgone to the holy abode.Sometimes I wondered was it worth all this? My father, even after stayingin India , had a house to his name and I too have the same nothing more.I lost my parents and children for just ONE EXTRA BEDROOM.Looking out from the window I see a lot of children dancing. This damnedcable TV has spoiled our new generation and these children are losing theirvalues and culture because of it. I get occasional cards from my childrenasking I am alright. Well at least they rememberme.Now perhaps after I die it will be the neighbors again who will beperforming my last rights, God Bless them. But the question still remains'was all this worth it?'*********

Washing the dead....

Yesterday, my friend asked if I could come and help wash the body of a muslim sister who had died. At first I was like WHAT!!! you want me to what??? Then I came to my senses, and thought what will happen to my body when I die, will there be anybody to wash my body when I die? So I told her okay I would help but I've never done it before. She told me she would teach me, she couldn't do it because she was on her periods. So she took me to the funeral home where the body was. There was 4 of us 2 from the deceased's family and me and another friend. I thought I would freak out when I would see the body, but honestly I was okay about it, it looked like she was sleeping. When we started, I had to lift her hand it was so stiff. I was surprised, I hadn't realized how much the body changes after death, it was like lifting a statue or something. I remember the friend that was teaching us kept saying "be careful" and "be gentle". Even though she's dead she can still feel everything that is being done to her body. I was mentally fine until the shrouding part came, the kamees,scarf etc., all were placed, then the last part(that's what got me all shaken up) the last piece of the shroud the face and entire body was covered and 3 pieces of cloth were used to tie up the body. I was by the body's feet, so I didn't see them tie the top portion, but when I looked up my eyes popped out and that's when I started to get teary eyed. That was it her life is done all wrapped up and ready to be put in the grave. All the jewelry that she owned, her wealth all gone. She can not take anything with her. The only thing with her was her deeds. Make dua for her, may Allah grant her Jannah. Ameen.

It makes me wonder why I strive so hard to get the best house or car, when in the end there will only be enough room for my body in the qabr. May allah grant us ease in the grave and easy reckoning on qiyamaat. And grant us Jannah.
AMEEN!!!

Ramadan Mubarak!

I want to wish you all Ramadan Mubarak.
Insha Allah remember me in your Dua's.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY ..to me

Yes today is my wedding anniversary. I didn't even realize it till iI looked at the calendar. My husband is out of town, so it's really not much of an anniversary. So I will just be like its like its a normal day. (sigh)

I'm back

I know it's been a long time ....
I was away at my parents, I got back a couple of weeks ago. Now just trying to get things back in order. There's alot things going on in my head, hurt, disappointment anger, loneliness. All these things can all be cured by asking Allah. The problem is I'm not. My Iman has gone down , I'm not the same. I am not regular in my weekly halaqa's that I ususally go evey week. I guess I am kinda fed up with the sisters here, there fakeness and lack of sisterhood in this community.
In time, with dua and patience, I will get pass this phase that I am in. I could use some support. Insha Allah will provide

Insha Allah I will write more about what's been going on.

Yo what's up Jerzee!!

I was over at another sister's blog and thought to myself I wonder what my english was like. Before college it was a thick jersey accent, but after college and living elsewhere in the country it's a bit jumbled up. But after answering the questions, I have pretty much still have my jersey accent, but what's dixie,

Your Linguistic Profile:

40% General American English 35% Yankee 20% Dixie 0% Midwestern 0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

All bottled up...

Since I am kinda on a vacation, I have been doing alot of thinking, about my marriage and life in general.Another sister mentioned this to me once, based on her experiences. She told me to be more open with my feelings. It got me thinking, I have been married 7 years and whenever I did not like something he did or said I would just keep quiet. Thinking he would eventually realize his mistakes. And that I had to be patient. Well after all these years rather than him changing, he continued to be the same person, and very little has changed. And the only person to blame is me. If I just told him what I felt right then and there, things might be different. But you see it's not that easy, I keep things inside because I don't know how to express it. Theres a way to say things but I just don't know how to say it with out being to harsh. My mother always said being desi and being brought up in America, I am like in the middle. I only sord of understand the indian mentality and culture. By now most desi's born and raised in India, know exactly how to handle their husbands. Cause their from the same background. I will not see my husband for a couple months he is on a business trip. Which is kinda good for us, we need that break. I NEED THAT BREAK! I know he is totally not at fault I need to correct myself and actions first.
okay I have now admitted to my faults, it's now time to act on them.....

A well deserved break'

Well I am in jersey, It's so nice to just sit and not have to worry about dinner or feed or change the baby. Since there are so many hands to help out, the kids don't bother me much, except for the 2 yr old. Well my 2 yr old, he is very attached to me, so if I wanna spend some alone in my room, 2 min later there will be knock on the door, " amma can I come in?" I'm not complaining. A friend told me that boys that are attached to their mothers like will take care of their mothers int heir old age. Insha Allah.
My husband was that way with his mother.

Any way there's alot of stuff going on here, will fill you in later.
It's like 2:30 in the after noon and I'm gonna take a nap, did you here that a nap, something that was not possible a couple of days ago, back in my house. I'm upstairs and I don't even know what my children are doing. I know my parents are watching them, but I still think i gotta run and check on them. It's weird you want that time alone, and when you have it all you think about is the kids. Well I better take that nap, before I forget that I wanted one, and start checking up on the kids

My apologies....

Okay I think I might have started something rather than ending something.
first, what ever I wrote was just my point of view from what I understood.
The hadith I quoted was from a muslim website : .radioislam.co.za
under on air programs.
in that it mentioned that one of the rights given to children is to be given good islamic names.( this has been mentioned many other religious books too) That's why I thought if a child is born, we name him a muslim name, then when one converts to Islam, shouldn't one want to, too( my thoughts only). I don't know if it a must to change your name or not. Further more being born muslim I don't know what it is like for a convert, in the beginning stages of being a muslim, or any stage for that matter. That's why I didn't want to put my foot to deep in the water, since I don't know how swim.
Many of the muslim converts I know who have changed their names have changed only their first name, not their last names. One sister said to me once If my name is called out in public, then people will know that I am muslim.
Another friend of mine told me that when she changed her name it was a way of letting go of the past.
Having heard all that I thought it would just take time for one to want to change their name. OKay....
**************************************************************************************
BTW I am in jersey, forgot to mention in before because of so many other things going on, will catch up in the next post.

what's in a name?

There seems to be a difference in opinion in changing names. To me a name defines who we are. If you keep a muslim name, you will be known as a muslim. That's just my opinion.

Sayyadina Abu Darda RA narrated that Rasulullah SAW said: “you will be called on the day of judgment by your names and your fathers names so keep good names“.


**************************************************************************************
Okay I don't want to further talk more about this subject coz it seems everytime any topic about Islam is brought up, it always turns into a debate as to who knows more about Islam. In reality, Ilm is important, but putting what we know into practice is more essential and rewarding in the eyes of Allah. By know means am I a scholar or have the authority to give commentary on hadiths or tafseer of the quran. One thing I do have the authority to do is to teach my children the beauty of Islam, so that it may be easy to be put into practice.

Recap of the week....

Wed.
We had some guest over They were new converts to Islam, they had not changed their names yet, so when their daughter(Ramya) told her name to my daughter, my daughter asked her what kind of name was that. I was surprised she could tell that Ramya was not a muslim name. So towards the end of the evening she is calling her Rafiya. I reminded her that her name was Ramya not Rafiya. She said to me in a matter of fact tone I don't think she's a Ramya anymore, Rafiya sounds better
Excuse me!!

Thurs.
We had guest again A family from chicago moved over here recently. They had a daughter my daughter's age and a son the age of my 2 yr old. They had a ball turned the house upside down. My daughter came up to me and said I am happy, I have a friend. My heart just skippped a beat i was so happy to see my daughter happy..

Fri.
Nothing much, my husband worked from home and drove my crazy. If your working from home you have to realize that you can not turn the house into a office. Especially with 3 very loud children around!!

Sat.
Went out for lunch, had chinese. It's a halal indo-chinese restaurant, so basically desi's go there. there was alot of the College and highschool crowd mixed with families. It was funny cause in the highschool crowd there were a bunch of girls and then a hero in the middle of the group of girls.

Sun.
Slept and slept some more..
Well ther you have it my exciting,thrilling, worldwind adventurous week!

I can't think of a title right now

This weekend we are going to my BIL's house for the weekend. I wanna go at the same time I kinda don't want to go. My jatani elder BIL's wife, is really a nice person. Can be really helpful at times. Then can be totally distant, I can't tell if its a inferiority complex or just plain jealousy. She was brought up in India stop right there that alone can bring a complex refer to The kids are driving me crazy!! post Anyway what I'm try to say is she has two faces, one where she show sympathy and is caring, then one where she is just all about herself. She truly a nice person.

*************************************************************************************
okay I originally started this post on thursday or something now it's wednesday and we went and are back. Let me just tell you how pissed off I was. There is a limit to the certain things. The whole freakin weekend BIL's wife was on the phone the whole time, talking to her mom. Like I totallly understand you have every right to talk to your mom, but you see she's got this vonage thingy where she can talk to her parents( who are in India) anytime you want for free. She talks to them everyday once in the morning and once in the night for maybe an hour or so. So you think she would lay off a bit on the phone calls over the weekend since we are there, But it was like any free time she is chatting away. I felt like so ignored they were not talking anything of importance, that's what bothered me the most. She was like yeah I am cooking this today, what did you make? Blah blah blah. After she finished cooking she sat on the sofa and picked up the phone started again. Rather than talking to me, who was sitting right next to her she's on the phone. Sunday was when I got really pissed off, we were all getting ready to go to the mall and so my husband says he needed to use the bathroom, so we are waiting, his brother is on the computer and I was in the living room feeding the baby and looking through the sunday sales paper that comes with the morning paper. So she comes in and takes a hand full of sales paper and heads to her room. Then she comes out and talkng on the phone to her mom and heads to the family room to chat some more. I thought she would sit and talk with me since we won't be seeing each other for a couple months. Coz my husband will be out of town. That's the real reason why I was getting more upset. I don't get it I talk to my mom everyday too, but not when my husband is home or some one is over. I think it's just rude. She makes a big deal as if she slaved over a hot stove or something. Most of the stuff was premade or defrosted and for indian standards that is not exceptable, especially in my husbands family everything should be made fresh (my BIL has no clue that she defrosted food or else he would have a fit). Maybe the salan was fresh and how long is that gonna take! Any way I just felt like we were unwelcomed by her.

Tag your it.

I've been tagged by Young muslimah. So here it goes:
10 simple pleasures

1.that I am not "forgotten" in the eyes of Allah
2.sleeping in late
3.have my 2 yr old say "I LUBBA YOU"
4.each time my daughter tells me she finished memorizing a surah, masha allah
5.relaxing on a secluded beach
6.when the house is nice and quiet.
7.being able to eat a piece of chocolate and not having to hear can I have some?
8.when my youngest(6 mos) smiles at me
9.bubble baths
10.having someone cook for me!!

well those are my simple pleasures

It's really sad..

I took my daughter to a class trip , she's in 1st grade at a virtual school. So she was really excited about meeting her teacher and other kids in her grade. It was at a science museum. Anyway my car alarm was giving me problems, so I asked a ride from a friend who's son is in my daughter's grade she was like okay. She picked me up at around 8:30 and as soon as we got there she took her kids out and said she had to return some books at the museum library and she would meet me inside. I hadn't gotten all my kids , so I told her to wait a sec and we'll go together, since I was not familiar with the museum. I mean it was her car wouldn't she want to make sure it was locked? She was acting strange. After I got the kids in the stroller, she started walking ahead of me, I was like why didn't she want to walk with me? So she tells me she will go in the library to return the books, I said okay. I was waiting for outside. After she finished rather then coming up to me she starts to the front entrance of the museum( where everybody was supposed to meet) I was like kind feeling weird like she was trying to get rid of me.. Like she was embarassed to be with me.
You see I wear niqab and she just wears a scarf ,pant and shirt. We've never been out together its always my house,hers or another friends. This was our 1st outing together in public. I had no idea she felt this way. She should've just that she couldn't take or she could've just taken my daughter. All that could've and should've didn't happen instead I was the one hurt. Not because she was dissin me, but the fact that she was a muslim and treated another muslim that way. My next door neighbor is a white american and she's always telling to go on walks with around the neigborhood with her and our kids. Obviously she doesn't cover and I am fully covered. and that doesn't seem to bother her. JUST WHY WAS MY FRIEND SO BOTHERED ABOUT THAT.

Sometimes I wonder about muslims who think and behave like my friend. Do they think people wont stare at them, even if the are just wearing a scarf on their head. It doesn't matter if people stare any less at you for just wearing a scarf but you shouldn't make another feel disrespected for covering more. Me personally I don't think I am any better than one who doesn't cover. Actually Some of my good friends don't wear niqab and we respect each other's wishes. And spend time with each other outside of the house in public and never thought what others might think of us. I thought that my friend who took me to museum felt the same.
MY BAD.
Any way life goes on , I guess I'm just sensitive that way. After that incident we've met up a couple times at get togethers. but I just felt uncomfortable. You know you don't how to behave after an incident like that.

Tea Party with Brad Pitt's neighbor

I attended a tea party earlier this week met up with friends and me some new people. I met a girl let's call her Z. She was really nice brought up in L.A. The hostess told me that Z's parents are filthy rich and are neighbors to Brad Pitt. I didn't believe her , this hijabi wearing mother of 2 little girls is Brad Pitt's neighbor? She spoke really good urdu( for an ABCD) anyway it seems her father owns about 200 or so taco bell stores. So the guy is rich. Big deal. It's just the fact that after growing up in L.A.(hollywood hills, to be exact) she came out normal. She had a conscience , she was so humble. Desi's with even a little bit money and some broken english act like their hot sh--. And here Z is brought up in the lap up luxury and doesn't show a hint of ego or snottiness.

Maybe there is hope for us ABCD's afterall.

My Kids

I have 3 children, oldest 6, 2nd is 2 1/2, and youngest is 6 mos. I love them with all my heart. That's why it hurts when my 6 yr old says she has no friends. But after some thinking and observing I think she's a little bossy. Like one time she told a girl in the masjid, that she should not wear nail polish, coz' she can not pray and her wudu is not valid. She told some other girls that they should not wear short sleeve shirts in the masjid. I think my daughter has become the muslim law enforcer.
I know she means well, but obviously no one would liked to be told what to do, ALL THE TIME!! I think she feels deep in her heart that maybe it's not fair why those girls get to do it and not me. I truly feel sorry for her. How to make her understand that she's in the right path. I feel so lost sometimes when it comes to things like this. You work so hard to teach your children right from wrong. And then you step outside your door and then you are put to the test. TO cave in or to stay steadfast. Now adays it looks like it's so much easier to just be like everyone else, whether right or wrong.
Now I truly understand why Allah Subhana ta'ala gives so much honor and such high status for the mother. It's not easy raising your kids the right way. The upbringing of a child is so essential, in character building.. It's who we are.

Okay I have to always keep this in my head, so everytime I am faced with an obstacle, I will know how to overcome it.